


have you been good? have you been better?

by TechnicalTragedy



Series: roses (magnus&taako) [3]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Exes, Friendship, Gen, Recreational Drug Use, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:05:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TechnicalTragedy/pseuds/TechnicalTragedy
Summary: MERLE: Hey Magnus Something Is Wrong With Taako He Just Came Over And Asked For My Garden Shears ✂️





	

**Author's Note:**

> i should be sleeping
> 
> title from roses once again

MERLE: Hey Magnus Something Is Wrong With Taako He Just Came Over And Asked For My Garden Shears   
MAGNUS: You didn't give him the shears, right?  
MERLE: How The Hell Am I Supposed To Know Where The Damn Things Are   
MAGNUS: Where's Taako now?  
MERLE: IDK I Think He Went To Go Find Killian Or Something   
MAGNUS: Okay. Thanks for the info, Merle.  
MERLE: Wanna Come Over And Get High With Me   
MAGNUS: I think I'm okay for now. Thanks for the offer.  
MERLE: If You Change Your Mind You Know Where To Find Me 

The short drive to Carey and Killian's apartment is one Magnus knows almost as well as the drive to Taako's place. The building is intimidating at first, all grey concrete and brick, until you notice the little patios covered in blooming plant life and decorated with fairy lights that are up no matter how near or far away Christmas is. In truth, Magnus finds it all very comforting.

Carey is standing in the doorway as Magnus makes his way up the stairs. She has a weird expression on her face, like she's simultaneously concerned and elated.

"Taako just came over and asked Killian if she would tear Sazed's dick off and I didn't know why he asked but he explained and hoo boy Magnus some SHIT went down," she says in a rush, forcing as much information into one breath as possible.

Magnus sighs as he approaches their apartment. Faintly, he can hear Taako's voice and the strains of a song that is familiar, but not too familiar, but not too not familiar. "Has he broken anything?"

Carey shrugs. "I don't think so. Killian is afraid to break things in the house anymore after the last time I chewed her out for it."

"Well that's good news, I guess," Magnus says.

Carey steps aside to let him in. Magnus thought he was ready for anything that he might witness, but nothing could have prepared him for the sight of Taako in a pink, flowery apron that reads "Kiss the Cook," standing in the center of the living room with mascara running down his cheeks, his boots off and cute cartoon watermelon socks on display, both hands with chipped fingernail polish in fists on his hips, and entire person literally glowing blue from the strength of his ire.

"Taako?" Magnus says hesitantly.

Taako whirls around, blue flames leaping off of him as he turns to face Magnus. "WHAT!" he says, or, screams is probably a more accurate word.

Magnus finds himself shrinking back, a little scared by the force of it. He's never seen Taako this mad, not even when he found out his boyfriend in the sixth grade cheated on him with Nancy from Miss Lorrel's class across the hall.

Upon realizing he's looking at Magnus, Taako cools off just a little. The blue glow becomes less intense, but his eyes are still ablaze. "I'm gonna kill that bitchass motherfucker Sazed, my dude. Magnificent, I am going to kill. him. dead. They'll never find the body," Taako says. "I'm gonna cut him into tiny little pieces and COOK THEM. I'm gonna have Killian cut his dick off and I am going to sew it onto his dumb, worthless face! AGH! I hate that idiot!"

"So, uh," Magnus says. He edges forward, and when Taako doesn't move away he scoots closer until he can put a hand on Taako's too-hot shoulder. Magnus keeps his hand there, hoping the contact will help anchor Taako. "What did he do?"

Taako swallows, visibly preparing himself for a rant. "That piece of shit showed up after I told him I never wanted to see him again. I still don't, I'm still mad at him for what he did, but he had the nerve to show up and tell me he loves me. Like what kinda horseshit? After all this time! He thinks he can just 'hi I love you' and everything is right as rain? Hell no! Magmatic, you feel me, right?"

"I feel you," Magnus says.

"Yeah! And so I'm like, 'uh no you're a liar and a shithead' but he kisses me. He KISSED me. So I slapped the fuck outta him and was like 'who do you think I am?' and he started crying about how he'd made a mistake and begging for forgiveness and, like, Magnus," Magnus starts because Taako never, ever calls him Magnus, "I do still love him, despite his shitty self. And I hate myself for it, and I hate him for it, but I still want us to be okay. So obviously the solution is to kill him, yeah? It's the only way, guy. Love is for babies."

Magnus frowns. "Taako, I don't think killing him is the answer."

Taako huffs. The blue glow fades.

"I think you need to have a real, adult conversation with him, maybe with an impartial third party there to make sure nobody tries anything untoward-"

"Pfft, untoward."

Magnus frowns and Taako mines zipping his lips, locking it, and throwing away the key. Magnus plays along by catching the invisible key and pressing it back into Taako's hands.

"You'll need that in a second. Yes, untoward. I don't want him to try anything. He hurt you real bad, Taako, and you're priority numero uno for me. I want to ensure he doesn't hurt you just in this initial conversation, but I also want to make sure that you won't say or do anything you'll regret."

Taako frowns deeply and unlocks and unzips his lips. "What makes you think I would do something like that? Do you really have so little faith in me, Magnus Chase?"

"That's not it," Magnus says. "I know you. I know that you're the best and strongest person I have ever met, but I also know that you have zero impulse control. I just want to know you'll have someone to keep you from actually cutting Sazed's dick off with gardening shears."

"Merle told you about that? What a rat," Taako says. He whips out his phone and sends rapid fire texts.

TAAKO: ik what u did merman  
MERLE: Who Me   
TAAKO: snitches get stitches 

Magnus takes Taako's wrist before he can send anything else, catching his attention.

"Look, dude," Taako says, "I can handle myself and my shitty ex just fine."

"I'm fully aware that you could handle anything," Magnus says. "But for my sake, could you just do this one thing?"

Taako sighs and rolls his eyes. "The shit I do for you and your damn puppy-dog face."

Magnus grins. "Love you, Taako!" he says, and presses a quick kiss to his best friend's cheek.

"Yuck, cooties," Taako says, wiping at his skin. He's smiling.

"Hey Carey!" Magnus says. He notices that Killian, apparently having gotten bored with their conversation, has settled in to watch some show about cooking that looks vaguely familiar. She doesn't look up.

Carey pokes her head out from the hallway leading to the bedroom. "What's up, Mango?" she says.

"I need you to make sure Taako doesn't rip Sazed's dick off, and make sure Sazed isn't a dick. But if necessary, rip his dick off at your discretion," Magnus says.

Carey grins, pointed teeth making the expression more menacing than usual. "Sounds like my kind of party."

Taako has his phone out again, texting at the speed of light, and Magnus has just enough time to see the contact name

AWFUL SHITTY EX

at the top of the screen before Taako is leading Carey out of the apartment.

"Got it all set up," Taako calls over his shoulder. "Don't worry Maggie, Carey will protect my virtue."

The door closes, and Magnus is left with Killian and whatever cooking show is playing. He settles next to her on the couch and she looks over to him slyly.

"I have a bunch of Sizzle It Up! with Taako on DVD," she says. "Wanna get high with Merle and watch it?"

Magnus considers.

"Yeah, I've got the time."

MAGNUS: Hey Merle, I think I'll take you up on your offer. Killian wants in, too, and she has Sizzle It Up! with her.  
MERLE: Lets Get Sizzling   
MAGNUS: Never say that again.  
MERLE: Okay Sorry 


End file.
